Children experience many transitions during their childhood. Transitions can be stressful for some children and a breeze for others. Each child reacts to transitions differently depending on where he or she is in their development, their temperament, and prior experiences during similar situations. While one child reacts at school drop off with fear and sadness, another may express joy and excitement. It is important to keep in mind that there are no good or bad reactions to change. No matter what, children should feel free to express their feelings, receive comfort from adults, and receive support to build their own ways of coping with change. It is important to understand how development affects children’s reaction to transition.
Transitions
Transitions can be stressful for some children and a breeze for others. Each child reacts to transitions differently depending on where he or she is in their development, their temperament, and prior experiences during similar situations.
Hi! I’m Stephen Brackett.
Heading to Kindergarten from pre-school or home is one of the biggest milestones a small child will face. I’m here to share some strategies that you can use to help your child navigate the transition from “little kid” to “big kid”!
So, how can you help your child navigate all the changes that come with heading to Kindergarten? Well, we have some tips.
First: Establish a special routine just for school days. When your child can predict what’s next, he will feel more confident and ready to explore and learn.
● Start with a predictable bedtime and morning routine.
● Select school clothes and put them out the night before. If your child uses a backpack, get that ready the night before as well. The fewer decisions you have to handle in the morning, the better.
● Think about writing a “going to school” song or put together a few dance steps to go through before you and your child leave the house for the day. It’s playful, it starts the day on a positive note and even just that little bit of exercise helps prepare his mind and body to learn.
● It’s also important to have an after-school routine as well! You may find that your child begins to experience “after-school meltdowns.” If this happens, make sure that your child is given some time to decompress when he gets home.
Second: Be Responsive.
● When your child needs extra cuddles or extra attention, be there.
● If your child is having an after-school meltdown, don’t try to fix it. Just be there and listen.
● Show empathy. Remember, your child is basically learning a new language and a new culture when he starts Kindergarten. His stress may seem silly to you, but it can be overwhelming to him.
Third: Use Visuals!
● Before school officially starts, see if you can introduce your child to his teacher and check out the classroom with him. Being familiar with the people and the environment can go a long way to reduce stress.
● If the school has a website or other social media presence, take a few minutes to look at the pictures with your child.
● If he needs more support, set up a chart that shows what his day will look like. Start with the morning routine, going to school, being in school and then whatever after-school routine you establish, all the way to bedtime.
And finally, be a role model.
● Be excited about the transition to Kindergarten, but not too over-the-top. You don’t want to set expectations too high or too low.
● If he gets scared or emotional, don’t tell them there’s nothing to worry about! Redirect his attention. Use phrases like, “You’ve got this!” or “I can’t wait to hear about all the new things you learn today!”
● And, as hard as it may be, save your emotions until after your child is out of sight. He may not understand that you’re going through a big transition too and get unnecessarily worried!
Kindergarten is a tremendous milestone for children and their caregivers and it’s a transition worth celebrating. Just stay consistent, listen to your child and get ready to enjoy all the new experiences to come.
For more information on helping your child make the transition into Kindergarten, check out the Colorado Early Learning and Development Guidelines website at Early Learning C-O DOT ORG.
And, don’t forget… experience counts! Be part of the conversation! We have a new online community, where you can share your challenges and experiences, get suggestions, find support and meet other families just like yours! You’re there for your child. Let us be there for you!
Hi! I’m Stephen Brackett.
Losing a loved one can be traumatic for anyone at any age but helping a child transition through the experience of losing someone they love can sometimes feel impossible. I mean, how do you talk about the permanency of death and what that means when you’re dealing with someone who’s still learning what it means to be alive? Well, we have some tips!
There are two really important things to keep in mind before you talk to your child about the death of a loved one.
● One… don’t expect your child to grieve the same way you do. She’s her own unique person…
● And two… because she is young, their reactions may be unpredictable. Her defense mechanisms and underdeveloped coping skills may take them all over the emotional and behavioral map… she may be crying inconsolably one minute and then taking a play break the next. She may even start acting out or regressing in some ways, but it’s okay.
Believe it or not, these emotional and behavioral ups and downs are healthy… and expected. Just hang in there with her and you’ll get through this together.
Here are some more tips that you may find helpful:
● Tell her the truth but do it in an age appropriate way.
● Don’t overshare. Answer her questions but be careful not to project what you’re feeling and experiencing onto her. You don’t want to risk planting new fears or giving her something extra to worry about. As time goes on and your child matures, the conversation will change and so will her questions.
● You may find that your child regresses a little bit, especially when it comes to separation anxiety. There are a lot of ways to work with that. Work with her teachers and other caregivers to come up with a plan to reassure your child that you will come back and she will be in good hands.
● Be direct. Young children struggle with the permanency of death, so you need to be as clear with them as possible.
● They’re also very literal, so stay away from terms such as “went to sleep” or “went to a better place.” The natural response for a child could be to develop issues with bedtime or to feel like somehow the death was her fault because she misbehaved or weren’t “good” enough.
Every family is different and finds comfort in their own ways. Teach and encourage your child to embrace the way your family mourns. If your family has a set of rituals surrounding death now would be a great time to share them.
● Allow her to participate as much as is appropriate and make sure she knows what those rituals will look like, so she knows what to expect. For example, if it’s a funeral and she’ll be attending, talk to her about what the service might look like, what the casket is for and let her know ahead of time that some people may be crying but the people around them will make sure they’re okay.
● If you feel like these rituals might be too much for your child, do something else just for her. Consider adding some child friendly elements into your traditions, such as planting a tree in the name of your loved one or creating a photo collage with pictures you’ve collected from all of the people who knew them and cared about them.
And finally, be a role model.
● Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.” You may hear a lot of questions like, “Why Grandma?” “Did it hurt?” “Why are there wars/car accidents/diseases” etc. “I don’t know” is a perfectly respectable answer.
● Don’t be afraid to cry in front of or with your child. You’re showing her that being sad is okay and that she isn’t the only one missing the loved one. She is far more likely to feel supported instead of isolated in her grief.
● Keep your routines as much as possible. Especially in the beginning it may seem impossible to go to the grocery store or take your child to piano lessons, but everyone needs something they can count on when everything else feels like it’s falling apart.
● Show your child that it’s okay to laugh and be happy again. Tell funny stories about your loved one. Instead of allowing your loss to destroy family traditions, find a new way to incorporate the absent person. For example, ask your child, “How would you like to honor Daddy on his birthday?” Let your child come up with ideas that will be meaningful to her, so that she can keep your loved one in her heart as joyfully as possible.
● And this is super important… take care of yourself. Ask for whatever help you need. It doesn’t mean you can’t handle it or you’re a bad parent. It means you’re letting the people who love you… love you.
The topic of death is never easy, and helping her process the realities of it can be heartbreaking.
For more information on helping your child deal with the death of someone close to them, check out the Colorado Early Learning and Development Guidelines website at EARLY LEARNING C-O DOT ORG.
And, don’t forget… experience counts! Be part of the conversation! We have a new online community, where you can share your challenges and experiences, get suggestions, find support and meet other families just like yours! You’re there for your child. Let us be there for you!
Hi! I’m Stephen Brackett.
Transitions such as divorce or parental separation are some of the most challenging and often heartbreaking transitions a family can experience. I’m here to share some strategies that you can use to help your young child navigate the changes that a new family dynamic can bring.
So, how can you help your child manage all the challenges that come up when their parents split? Here are some tips!
First: Maintain routines as much as possible. When a child can predict what’s next, she tends to feel more confident and supported during whatever else is changing around her.
● Make your visitation schedule as consistent and reliable as possible. The less guessing there is, the better.
● Do your best to have the same toys, books and comfort items in both homes. Having familiar items around will help your child relax into each environment a little quicker.
● For older children, you might sit down with your co-parent and your child to set a list of house rules that apply to BOTH homes. Not only will she see that you’re united in caring for her and about her, but one set of rules removes the temptation to work one parent against the other.
Second: Be Responsive.
● When your child needs extra cuddles or extra attention, be there.
● When your child has questions, be sure to start with asking what she thinks first. You need to address her concerns at times like this… not yours.
● Don’t go into details. Continue to re-enforce how you and the other parent are doing their best, and that she is both parent’s number one priority.
Third: Use Visuals! At this age, visuals can be quite effective in explaining new situations and expectations to your child.
● Try drawing a model that shows her how having two households will work for her.
● Draw a “map” that shows what her new world looks like: for example where the two households are in terms of school, her friends’ homes or places she likes to go. Maybe add landmarks that she’s familiar with so she can call them out when she sees them. This will help her mind say, “This is where you are, this is who you’re with and this is the routine for this day.”
● Another idea is to make a “chores” chart with pictures reflecting bedtime routines, morning routines and chores, if any. Copy the chart and have it in both households to ensure consistency.
● You may also want to check out your local library! There are several great children’s books out there that may help you and your family through this rough time.
And finally, be a role model. There is no doubt that you have your own emotions and challenges as you start your new life. Do your best to shelter your child from any negativity you may be feeling. Children will naturally feel like the split is their fault, and this is where you come in as their caregiver.
● Demonstrate patience when interacting with your co-parent.
● Show flexibility regarding scheduling or trading days if there’s something special going on, like a birthday party or sporting event.
● Try to make the physical transition from one parent to the other as peaceful and smooth as possible. Believe it or not, your child is processing volumes of information at these times. Questions like, “How am I supposed to feel? Is this all my fault? Am I safe? Do my parents trust each other with me? Is it okay for me to be happy to see each parent?” can be answered by how these hand-offs look and feel.
● Remain child-focused. Choose your words carefully when discussing the other parent in front of your child. If you need to vent… well, that’s what friends or support groups are for.
● And never ever put your child in the middle. If your emotions swallow her up, nobody wins.
To be real, there may be some divorces or separations where these suggestions may not work. But it’s a start, and the main point is to make sure your child knows that she is the priority in whatever form your new life takes.
For more information on helping your child transition during divorce, check out the Colorado Early Learning and Development Guidelines website at Early Learning C-O DOT ORG.
And, don’t forget… experience counts! Be part of the conversation! We have a new online community, where you can share your challenges and experiences, get suggestions, find support and meet other families just like yours! You’re there for your child. Let us be there for you!
Hi! I’m Stephen Brackett.
Tens of thousands of Colorado children have one or both parents serving in the U.S. military and they often face unique challenges as a result… Particularly when it comes to transitions such as leaving friends behind when they have to move, settling into new communities and schools or handling their emotions when one or both parents are called to duty or come home after a lengthy deployment.
Here are some tips on how to help your child deal with the frequent changes that life in a military family can bring.
First: Keep your routines the same as much as possible.
● Most military bases offer the same programs and activities. Keeping up with the same activities at each duty station will help ease any other changes going on.
● Take time pre-deployment to figure out if your routines will need to change. If so, tell your child and ask her to help establish new family routines that will work moving forward.
● Consider setting up a routine that “includes” the deployed parent. It could be symbolic, like talking to a picture of your spouse, writing letters and watching videos. Even better, see if you can arrange to talk or video chat with the deployed spouse on a regular schedule.
Second: Be Responsive.
● Try not to assume that you know how your child is feeling. No matter what your experience is, every move is different and every child is different. Make sure that she knows you’re available to listen whenever she needs you to.
● Talk about the deployed family member frequently. Talking about the deployed parent or caregiver will help keep that person present in the daily life of the child. Share stories about the deployed spouse and assure your child how much he or she loves them and misses them.
● See if your base provides family or child-focused support groups. Remind your child that she’s part of a global military family and they are not alone with their feelings.
Third: Use Visuals!
● If you can, frame a great picture of the deployed parent with his or her unit. Young children may start to develop a fear of the unknown, especially when it comes to the person they don’t get to see every day. Remind your child that the service member and their friends have trained really hard to stay safe and will do everything they can to take care of each other.
● Consider putting up a map or a picture showing your child where the unit is deployed and help her learn about that area, in an age appropriate way, of course.
● When it’s time to move, take a drive around to her favorite places and wave goodbye. It may seem silly, but laughter is the best medicine!
And finally, be a role model.
● When going through a big transition, it’s easy to get lost in your own thoughts and feelings. Encourage your child to recognize when someone does something her and her family.
● Help your child find a way to share the kindness by coming up with something kind she can do for someone else.
● Be open with her.
● Help her close one chapter before starting another.
● Maintain daily routines and activities…
● And do your best to model having a positive attitude.
We owe a great deal to the men and women who serve our country, and the best way we can honor them is to help care for their families.
For more information on helping your child with military related transitions, check out the Colorado Early Learning and Development Guidelines website at EARLY LEARNING DOT ORG.
And, don’t forget… experience counts! Be part of the conversation! We have a new online community, where you can share your challenges and experiences, get suggestions, find support and meet other families just like yours! You’re there for your child. Let us be there for you!
Hi! I’m Stephen Brackett.
There was a time when generations of families would grow up in the same house, live together in the same neighborhoods and troop through their school years together.
Today, because of changing employment trends, lack of housing, the rising costs of living and other family dynamics, we tend to move around a lot more.
Here are some tips on how to help you and your young child deal with the changes that occur during a big move.
First: Keep your routines the same as much as possible.
● Do what you can to keep the same routines and definitely involve your child if new routines need to be established.
● If he had a hobby or there was a club that he belonged to, make it a priority to find similar activities for him in your new community.
● And finally, if it’s at all possible, try to arrange opportunities for your child to connect with friends and family from his old community.
Road trips, weekend playdates, phone calls or video chatting… these are all ways you can help your child feel connected to the people they care about.
Second: Be Responsive.
● When your child needs extra cuddles or extra attention, give it to him.
● Acknowledge the emotions both you and your child have about leaving friends and family behind.
● Be optimistic about all the new adventures that lay ahead.
● Make the move a family event.
Have the people he cares about help pack while they talk about keeping in touch and what comes next.
● Also, if your family is experiencing homelessness or similar displacement, your child needs you to be tuned into him more than ever. Assure him that even if your living situation is unpredictable right now, your family will get through it.
Third: Use Visuals!
● Before he officially starts in a new school, see if you can introduce your child to his teacher and take a tour. Some familiarity with the people and the environment can go a long way to reducing stress.
● If you’re close to your old community, draw a map that shows your child where you can meet up with old friend or still go to favorite places.
● If the move is a big one, draw a map that shows where the new house is in relationship to school, surrounding parks and other interesting destinations.
● Find a place in the new home for pictures and keepsakes from his old community and take the time to reminisce if he wants to.
And finally, be a role model.
● Be excited about your new community!
● See if you can volunteer or join a club in the area. It’s a great way to get involved and build up new social circles for both you and your child!
● Take your child to explore nearby landmarks such as the library, sports fields, museums or whatever he’s interested in.
● Make sure that you are always willing to sit down and talk to him about how he’s feeling and any concerns he has.
Making a big move away from the only life your child has ever known will definitely have its ups and downs. Just remember to listen, be patient and focus on your new life together.
For more information on helping your child transition during a big move, check out the Colorado Early Learning and Development Guidelines website at Early Learning C-O DOT ORG.
And, don’t forget… experience counts! Be part of the conversation! We have a new online community, where you can share your challenges and experiences, get suggestions, find support and meet other families just like yours! You’re there for your child. Let us be there for you!
Hey there! I’m Stephen Brackett.
The thread that ties all children together is that they rely on their caregivers to show them how to be in the world. However, parenting a child with special needs often requires unique problem-solving skills, especially when it comes to transitions.
Transitions at this age are difficult for all kids and may be hard for those with special needs. So, how can you build on your child’s strengths while supporting his individual needs so that he is successful throughout his day?
Here are some tips on how to help your child manage the emotions and anxiety that can be triggered when things change.
First: Keep your routines the same as much as possible.
● Routines for children with special needs are critical to helping them stay regulated.
● If your routine includes leaving the house in the morning, prepare for the next day as much as possible the night before.
● Let him choose his clothes and decide what toys and snacks to have ready ahead of time. That way everyone is set up for success the next morning!
● If your routine is going to change, plan ahead. Take a few minutes to explain what you’ll be doing and what to expect. It may even help to go through the steps ahead of time with him.
● Give him a 5 to 10 minute heads up before it’s time to change activities. This gives him a chance to wrap up what he’s doing and makes for a less stressful transition.
Second: Be Responsive.
● Get to know your child and how he reacts in certain situations.
● Children with special needs can react in unexpected ways at unexpected times. He may need very specific help or assistance with changes that other children may take in stride.
● Pay close attention to patterns that reveal what may upset him like big crowds, loud noises, bright lights, or being touched.
● While your special needs child may not like to be hugged or touched especially when he’s upset, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to be comforted. No one loves your child more than you do, so trust that you’ll find that special something that lets him know you’re there for him.
● And be patient! Trust me, when your child is feeling out of control, he’s as frustrated and confused as you are.
Third: Use Visuals!
● Visuals are a great tool for any child at this age, but they can be especially effective for kids with special needs, especially those who are non-verbal or struggle with language.
● To reinforce your routine, use pictures to show what the day will look like: clothes when it’s time to get dressed, a plate and spoon when it’s time to eat, and so on. Many parents find it helpful to post a chart in their home. Another fun trick is to laminate pictures of individual tasks and have your child pick what happens next when possible.
And finally, be a role model.
● Make sure that the people who care for him are aware of what works to support and calm him and what doesn’t.
● See if you can find a play group where he feels welcomed and included.
● Stay connected to her pediatrician. They may be aware of programs, groups, therapies or specialists that can help him thrive.
● Take care of your own emotions and find someone you trust to confide in. Grief, guilt, frustration, anger… there’s a lot to unpack as you learn to live a life you may not have planned for.
● Don’t be shy about finding a respite center or asking friends and family to watch him so that you can get some rest or go out and have some “me” time. Parenting a child who needs extra support can sometimes be exhausting, both mentally and physically.
The State of Colorado has an enormous support system in place for families raising children with special needs.
For more information on helping your child learn how to handle transitions either in his day or in his life, check out the Colorado Early Learning and Development Guidelines website at
EARLY LEARNING C-O DOT ORG.
And, don’t forget… experience counts! Be part of the conversation! We have a new online community, where you can share your challenges and experiences, get suggestions, find support and meet other families just like yours! You’re there for your child. Let us be there for you!
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The early years of a child's life — from birth to age eight — are critically important for learning and development.
The Colorado Early Learning and Development Guidelines provide practical tips and points of reference that anyone can use to help kids grow.
Whether we're experts, early childhood teachers, first-time parents, or involved friends and neighbors, we all play a role in giving kids a strong, healthy start.
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